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  • Helen Frewin

Boundaries for Confidence

I’m hearing a lot about boundaries at the moment. Is it just me?


And it strikes me that we both need confidence to set boundaries, and that boundaries can help us when we lack confidence.


How might a boundary help you today?


Take saying no as an example. So many people I work with tell me that they struggle to say no. It speaks into our paranoia about not being helpful, not being liked, not being seen as a good person. Yet often we suffer because we said yes to everything, and then others can suffer too as we let them down, unable to deliver everything we said yes to.


What if you set a boundary to pause before replying to a request?


It’s not that you have to say no, it’s that you need to time to reflect on your capacity and other considerations, before confirming either way.


Maybe you need to ask a few more questions before replying too.


There is power in saying to ourselves, “I am setting a boundary.”


“I am going to ask a couple of questions like, ‘when do you need this for?’ And ‘tell me about the broader context…’ Then I will tell the person I need to look at my diary before confirming whether I can help or not.”


It’s not a rock solid rule, it’s a boundary, a guideline. And when we tell ourselves, and ideally others about that boundary, we are likely to use it.


And as we use them, stick to our boundaries and flex them when we want to, we realise we have more control. And that builds our confidence to try other boundaries too.


What boundary might help you today?


What if you started with something small, to test out the idea and build your confidence that you can do this?


Let me know how you get on!


All the best,


Helen.


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